I really, really, really hate myself for being like this..
Why can't I just express what's on my mind..
Why can't I just say out what I want..
Why am I so useless..
I really hope that I can express what I want but at the same time I really am afraid of argument..
I really want us to live peacefully..
Without any argument...
Sometime I wonder..
Is it really because I hate argument?
Or maybe is it because that I don't have the courage to speak what's on my mind..
And most of the time, I will choose the 2nd choice...
Father God, please give me more courage and wisdom..
So that I can speak out what's on my mind without hurting others or causes arguments..
Sometimes,
I really hate being here..
Conflicts always happen during my absence...
After my return, suffers always follow behind..
Why can't I lead a life without any conflict..
Without hatred for each other..
And without feeling hurt..
Sometime, I really hope that all the problem's will just disappear..
Disappear from my surrounding,
Disappear from my life,
And disappear from my world.
Is it really that hard for a PERSON to remain LOYAL..
Loving someone without having a CHANGE of HEART..
Why is it so HARD to find THE OTHER HALF that can stay with you throughout your life..
Without HURTING you and LEFT you alone..
Just to bring SADNESS to your life..
While they are enjoying themselves..
Hope I can find my 'ONE & ONLY ONE'..
Which will bring me happiness without hurting me..
P.S: I think this is what every GIRL's WISH for... Having their ONE & ONLY ONE which will bring them happiness..
Even though I seldom watch Thai drama, but I have to admit that some of their story line really did attract my attention and is really nice to watch~ :D
Recently, I just finished watch a 'Thai' drama entitled 'Sawan Biang' 2008. The lyrics of the ending theme is super meaningful and I really like it.
This is a summary of the drama:-
Leela is going to get married in a few day but unfortunately, she and her groom have an accident. Her groom dies but she survives. Kid, their litigant, also loses his wife in that accident either. Anyway, he helps Leela for her medical treatment costs and take care and restore her mind's state.
After he knows about Leela, he falls in love with her and proposes her to marry him. Though she doesn't love him, she accepts to marry him. Later, when she knows that he has a son named Kawee, she want to take revenge with him because Kawee is a guy who she used to fall in love with when she was young, but he returns her with his arrogance.
Kid allows Leela to bring her family to live with him, so she bring her younger sister, Narin, younger brother, Rermrerk and her mother to live together. That enrages Kawee who disagree with his father's new marriage. When he knows that his new stepmother is younger than him and she is Leela, he hate her family too. He often quarrels with his father until one day, Kid is too tense because of quarreling with his son and has a heart attack and dies. Kawee is very sorry that he causes his father's death.
After Kid's funeral, his will is revealed to halve his property for Kawee and Leela, but he doesn't allow them to sell his house. Kawee and Leela's family live in the same house separately, but Leela who loves and hates Kawee keep nagging and argueing with him. Kawee hates his stepmother because he thinks that she steal his father's love from him.
When Kawee live in the same house with Narin, he always put his hatred and anger on sweet Narin, Leela's sister, everytime when he quarrels with Leela. With Narin's beauty and her sharp talk, Kawee involuntarily falls in love with her and keep being jealous of Pawan, a guy who has a crush on her.
This is the song of the 'Thai' drama with some preview of the drama~
This is the translation of the song in English subtitle~ :D
Song: Jood On Kong Chan Yoo Tee Hua Jai (My weakness is at my heart) Artist: Aof Pongsak
I know myself I behave different.
Whatever I think, I just say it straight and care no one.
Just following what my head command me, though it's against my heart.
Asking myself for what I do, who I do it for.
Being sarcastic with myself...hurting myself, what do I get in return?
There're only shedding a tear...being confused and being vulnerable...
I have to be suffering and deeply hurt with all my body and heart.
My weakness is at my heart.
I pretend to be strong...I just act...but in fact, I'm almost dying.
I need love...need someone who understand me,
But I have to hide it inside.
Nothing else, in fact, my heart is weak.
I know that you don't love...don't care about me.
Deep inside, I almost melt away...I can't restraint my mind.
I pretend to not care, but in fact, my tears is flowing.
I'm hurt in my heart and can't find anyone who understand me.
(repeat *)
I don't want to let anyone know within my heart, how much I love you...
Just realized that no one in this world is destined to be alone
Everyone need friends and family
Without them, we will feel lost and don't know what to do
Is it only me that feels like this or is it the same for everyone?
Even though, I realized that friends are important...
But actually how many friends that I really have...
Just realize that I only have few of them...
Don't know what is the feeling that I am having now...
But somehow,
It is not a good feeling...
For the 1st time in my life that I feel that,
I am weak and hopeless....