First Love Story (Part 1)

What is the feeling of being in love? Is it that my heart will beat at a faster rate when I saw the Mr Right.

Or maybe I will feel nervous when I am around him? Or I will feel anxious if I can't see him even for a day?

If the answer to all this question is YES. Then, I think I have fallen in love. Not just normal love, but my FIRST love since 20 years of living.

I am a girl with nothing. I don't have a happy family nor beauty for others to fall for me. However, he is my first love. First male to be notice by me. I am very excited to feel this kind of feeling. And I can't wait for the time to come so that I will have the chance to express my feeling.

But, there is no happy ending for a girl like me. No one is interested in me and I am just embarrassing myself by expressing my love to him. I will remember that day for ever in my life. 

That day was my birthday and I decided to express my love for him. It was the first time that I bake a cake and I hope that he will like it. However, when I express my feeling and present the cake to him. He replied me with a reply that break my heart.

''Can the cake be eaten by human? I think not. Just like the owner. Please don't pollute the surrounding with something like this..''

When I hear his replied. I felt as if my heart was torn apart. The pain was unbearable and I felt as if I am unable to breathe.I wanted to burst out, but my tears just wont come out. It was as if I am too shocked by this incident and my legs are like frozen as I am unable to move. I wanted to hide from this humiliation but I can't move at all. I really hope that someone will safe me. But I know this will not happen as the girl is me. Yes, it's me!! A girl where no one will like.

After that day, I lost confidence in love. I don't believe in love anymore as love is so painful. I don't want to be hurt anymore as I can't take it. Eventhough, I don't believe in love. But my feeling for him haven't change yet and it grew even stronger. What am I going to do?? Each time I saw him, my heart will ache as I know he will not fall for me even in a lifetime.

Distance, Hurt

This quote is taken from a drama which I think is true...
It says..

The furthest distance is not between life and death..
But is as I am in front of you, yet you don't remember who am I..

I feel this quote is really meaningful..
This one that remember the other will be the one that suffer the most..
While the one that forget will lead a happy life...

While i think in the most painful situation is..
It is not because you reject me...
But is that you fall for someone in front of me..

And...
You don't realize I fall for you...
When I confess, you take it as a joke...
Well, this is still bearable...

But, the one that really hurt is...
I saw you fall for someone...
But the someone is not me...

And,
When you ask me whether I like him or not...
As the person that I like is YOU...

Lesson from an anime...

Recently I just finished watch an anime entitle 'Maid Sama'
I felt that the heroine is super lucky..
As she is able to find someone who will protect her from danger..

I think most of the girl in this world would dream of finding someone who will silently protect them..
He even silently kept his feeling for her by teasing her..
I think it will be very hard to find such a guy anymore...
It will only happen in drama or anime...
Or even in our dream...

But I really hope every girl  will find someone like that in their lifetime....
So that they wont get hurt and being betrayed...

Down~

Today actually I felt very happy...
But dunno why suddenly I felt so down...
And I cant even control my emotion...
It is the first time ever that I can't control my tear other than watching drama...

I felt I am hopeless...
As I am not able to control even my own emotion...

Suicide...

Suicide~ suicide~ suicide~
This is one of the cases that happen recently...
However, did they consider...
What will happen to the people who loved them...
They will suffer for their whole life...
Especially their parents....


This is one of the selfish act...
As they only think of themselves...
And not people around them that care for them...


Did they ever think...
What would they feel if one day...
Their child commit suicide...
Will they be able to live happily for their whole life...
Well, I can answer for them...
IT'S NO....IT WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE...
As they will felt as if they lost part of their heart....


Besides that, did they ever think of those people who struggle to live...
Especially those who get terminal sickness and there is no cure for it...
They will do anything to live...
As in this world there is so much more to explore...


Why is it that there is someone who struggle to live and you just waste your whole life just like that....
Well, before you do something..
You will need to think properly...
Dont ever make a rush decision...
As it will be too late to regret...


Well, we may see suicide may be one of the way to get things done...
However, it is wrong...
Suicide is just like you're hiding from the problem you faced...
GOD made us in a way that we can and dare to face challenges throughout our life...
And not just run away from it...


When we run from trouble, we will be a coward..
And I know we hate to be coward...

So, DONT THINK THAT COMMIT SUICIDE CAN SOLVE ANY PROBLEM OR PROVE ANYTHING...
WE AS HUMAN WONT TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT...
WE WILL FIGHT WITH THE DEVIL AND WIN THEM WITH OUR WAY...AND THE WAY IS NOT WITH COMMIT SUICIDE...

Betrayed !!

Why does love always end up being betrayed....

The feeling of betrayed by someone you trust is really unbearable...

Few people around me have experience this kind of feeling...

They are betrayed by their LOVED one...

Why someone heart can change so easily?

Just like the wind...

It's hard to predict what they will feel the next moment...

And when they don't express out their feeling...

It will be harder for us to guess...

And we will lost our sense of security....

Especially when we are betrayed...

We will ask for a reason...

And the only things they will do is SEEK FOR FORGIVENESS...

Since we still hoping for them...

We WILL FORGIVE THEM....

However, things is not as easy as we think...

When THEY DARE TO DO IT ONCE....

THEY WILL DO IT THE SECOND TIME~~

But, did they ever think...

What if...

If the situation is the other way round....

will they still take the same action as we does...

Why cant they think in our position....

Is it that hard for them to understand us...

Well, this is one of the question that is being air out by me...

because of all these..

It has cause me to be afraid to fall in love...

As I am afraid to be hurt...

Love?

What is love?

This is the question that I have been asking?

What is the feeling of being in love...

As I observe from my friend...

Some of them are happy when they found someone who adore them...

However, most of them find the wrong person...

And what they ever get is feeling ' HURT '

I even told them that they are lucky to be able to find someone that they love....

Eventhough, they did get hurt from the relationship....

This is because till now...

I havent able to fall for someone...

So, I cant even felt what they feel...

Thus, when you are able to fall for someone...

You should be glad...

As you can felt happiness, bitterness and even sadness...

Eventhough, you may get hurt from the relationship...

Be grateful to your other half..

As you are able to grow STRONGER and MORE MATURE...

And at the same time..

You will be able to find someone who understand you better and even care for you..

This is because in this world there is not only a person who fits you...

The LORD have prepare a prefect PARTNER for us..

It is the only matter of time before you are able to find Him/Her..